Disclaimer: The advice provided is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for legal advice, psychological counseling, or law enforcement. Every situation is unique. The Other Way Martial Consulting assumes no liability for any actions taken based on this information.
Published on October 25, 2025
Sensei,
My problem isn’t as dramatic as some, but it’s driving me crazy, and I feel like I’m the one being weird.
I started a new office job about three months ago. There’s a guy in my department, “Mark,” who has been there for years. He’s not my boss, but he’s senior to me. He has appointed himself my unofficial “mentor,” and he’s constantly in my space.
He’ll come over to my desk to “show me a shortcut” and instead of just telling me, he’ll lean way over me, with his hand on the back of my chair, and take my mouse. His face is inches from mine, and I can smell his coffee.
In the breakroom, he’ll stand right next to me at the counter, so our elbows are touching, to get to the sugar. Or if I’m in the hallway, he’ll “jokingly” walk right toward me until I’m the one who has to flatten against the wall to let him pass.
Every time it happens, I freeze. I feel this hot, prickly feeling, but I just give a nervous laugh or lean away. He’s always “just being helpful” or “just kidding.” I feel like I can’t say anything without sounding rude or “bitchy.” I definitely can’t go to HR—what would I even say? “He stands too close”?
I’m starting to dread seeing him and I take the long way to the bathroom to avoid his desk. Am I overreacting to a “touchy-feely” guy, or is this really as weird as it feels?
—Uncomfortable at Work
Handling a “Helpful” Co-worker: How to Set Boundaries in the Office
Dear Uncomfortable,
That “hot, prickly feeling” you described? That’s your intuition. It’s the exact same internal alarm system that tells someone to run in a dark garage. The threat isn’t physical violence, but the threat to your boundaries is just as real.
You are not overreacting. You are reacting perfectly to someone who is consistently, and likely deliberately, testing your boundaries.
This is a classic “creep by inches.” Because each individual action is small and can be disguised as “friendly” or “helpful,” it makes you feel like you’re the problem. This is a common tactic, and it relies on your good manners and fear of “making a scene.” Mark is counting on you to be too polite to stop him.
Let’s be clear: You have a non-negotiable right to your personal space. His “help” is a pretext for invasion. It’s time to teach him where your boundaries are. You don’t have to be confrontational, but you must be clear. Your goal is to re-establish your “bubble” calmly and consistently.
1. Use Your Body as a Tool
When he comes to your desk, don’t just lean away. Pivot. Turn your entire chair to face him, breaking his “over-the-shoulder” access. If he takes your mouse, put your hand out and say, “I’ll drive, thanks. What’s the shortcut?” You are taking back control.
2. Create Physical Barriers
If he’s leaning on your chair back, pick up a notebook or your water bottle as if you’re looking for something, which forces him to physically move back. In the breakroom, if he stands too close, take a clear, obvious step to the side and turn to face him. This changes the dynamic from “side-by-side” (intimate) to “face-to-face” (transactional).
3. Use Your Voice (Calm and Bored)
Your tone is key. Don’t be angry or apologetic. Be neutral, almost bored, as if you’re stating the obvious.
- As he leans in: “Whoa, Mark, that’s a bit close.” (Said with a “what are you doing?” tone, not a scared one).
- When he reaches for your mouse: “I’ve got it, just tell me the steps.”
- In the hallway: Stop. Stand your ground. Say, “Excuse me, Mark,” and wait for him to move around you.
The Core Principle: Consistency is Key
This isn’t about one big “showdown.” It’s about consistency. Every single time he tests, you will calmly and firmly enforce your boundary. He will learn very quickly that you are not the easy, polite target he thought you were.
Trust that prickly feeling. It’s not “weird.” It’s your best-trained bodyguard.
Stay aware. Stay Safe.
That’s “The Other Way”
— Sensei Duncan