*Disclaimer: The advice provided is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for legal advice, psychological counseling, or law enforcement. Every situation is unique. The Other Way Martial Consulting assumes no liability for any actions taken based on this information.*
Ask Sensei: “I Froze When He Screamed. Am I A Coward?”
Published on December 18, 2025
Sensei,
I’m a Project Manager and I consider myself a very logical person. But last week, a guy cut me off in the grocery store parking lot and then got out of his car and started screaming at me through my window.
I didn’t know what to do. I just froze. I ended up apologizing to him, even though he was in the wrong, just to make him go away. Afterward, I felt incredibly weak and angry at myself for not standing up for myself.
How do I stop freezing? I feel like I failed as a man.
— Project Manager Projecting Panic
Sensei’s Response:
Hello Project Manager. First, let us discard the word “coward.” You didn’t freeze because you are weak. You froze because you are civilized.
You have spent your life training to be cooperative, polite, and logical. When you met someone who doesn’t play by those rules, your brain hit a syntax error. You tried to apply logic to a person operating on pure, chaotic emotion. That is like trying to catch a waterfall with a teacup. It doesn’t work, and you just get wet.
The “Normal” reaction to sudden aggression triggers one of the primal instincts: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn. You likely Froze first, then switched to Fawn (apologizing) to make it stop. You fawned because your brain calculated that submission was the fastest way to end the danger. That is a survival tactic, not a moral failing.
Deep Dive
Freezing is a software error, not a hardware failure. Learn the operating system for staying stable in chaos in my foundational guide: The Manifesto: Finding Safety in a Chaotic World
The Other Way: Don’t Catch the Water
In Kyo-Jitsu Ryu, we don’t try to overpower the aggression, and we certainly don’t apologize for existing. We use a concept called Strategic Insulation.
Think of a boat in a storm. If the boat tries to fight the waves, it breaks. If it ignores the waves, it sinks. The boat must align with the waves to stay stable. When that man screamed at you, you absorbed his anger. You took it personally. You made his chaos your problem.
Next time, do not try to “win.” Try to remain insulated:
- You Are Not The Target: This is the hardest shift to make. It feels personal, but his rage is actually about his own lack of control. If you can see him as a “malfunctioning system” rather than a judge of your character, you stop absorbing his words. You remove the target he is trying to hit.
- Maintain Your Structure: Sit up straight. Do not shrink. Silence is often louder than shouting. By staying calm, you create a “structural wedge” between his chaos and your peace.
- Observe, Don’t Absorb: Watch him like you are watching a thunderstorm through a window. You are safe inside your structure. Let him thunder.
You cannot control the storm, Project Manager. You can only control the structural integrity of your own house. When you stop trying to “fix” his anger and focus on maintaining your own calm, the freezing stops.
Do not judge yourself for not knowing a skill you were never taught. Standard society teaches us to be polite or to fight. It rarely teaches us how to navigate chaos with dignity. That is why The Other Way exists. It is a structured path to safety that does not require you to become aggressive to be secure. You can learn this.