Gaslighting is not just a psychological trick. It is a direct attempt to take over your own mind. When someone disputes your memory or your senses, they are trying to control the narrative of your own life by invalidating your experiences. If you start to rely on their version of the truth to feel safe, you have lost control.
At The Other Way, this aligns with our philosophy:
If you do not control yourself, something or someone else will.To stay safe and keep your power, you must treat gaslighting as a technical problem with a technical solution. Use this three-step plan to keep your reality intact.
To know if someone is steering you, you must first know where you are standing. You cannot find your balance if you are looking at the other person for directions.
- The Data Log: Stop debating the event with the other person. As soon as something happens that feels wrong, write down the facts as you remember them. Do this immediately. Do not ask for their input.
- Physical Check: Notice how your body reacts when the other person speaks. Does your chest tighten? Does your breathing become shallow? This is your alarm system telling you that your personal space is being invaded.
The Goal
Trust your own data over their narrative. If your notes say one thing and they say another, the difference between the two is the evidence you need. You do not need them to admit they are wrong. You only need to know that your data is different from theirs.
Gaslighting works best when there is a back-and-forth argument. When you try to prove you are right, you are actually giving the other person permission to negotiate your reality. You are acting as if their opinion on your memory matters.
The Script: Use a neutral statement that cannot be argued. Say: I hear what you are saying, but my memory of what happened is different. We are not going to agree on this.
The Pivot: Once you say this, the conversation is over. Do not provide more evidence. Do not show them your notes. More evidence only gives them more things to pick apart and use against you.
If the person continues to challenge your sanity or your memory, you must change the situation. If someone will not respect your truth, they should not have access to your time.
Create Distance: You do not have to stay in a conversation where your reality is being attacked. I am not going to argue about what I saw. I am going to leave the room now.
The Logic
You are not trying to win an argument. You are protecting your own mind from outside interference. By leaving, you take away their ability to influence your thoughts.
Summary
You do not need the other person to admit they are gaslighting you for you to be safe. You are the final authority on your own experience. If you wait for them to agree with you, they are still in control.
Your Action for Today:
For the next 24 hours, do not explain the reason behind any small decision you make. If someone asks why you chose a certain drink or took a certain path, just say, “Because I wanted to.” This should be said in a factual manner, without attitude or challenge, in a similar way to saying, “The sky is blue today.” Notice how it feels to keep that power for yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions
Trying to convince them is a mistake. Gaslighting is an attempt to control the conversation. If you try to prove they are wrong, you are staying in the argument they created. Your goal is to trust your own facts, not to get them to agree with you.
This doubt is the result of the gaslighting. This is why the Data Log is important. When you feel that doubt, stop talking and refer to the facts you wrote down earlier. Trust your written notes more than the words the other person is saying.
When your reality is being attacked, walking away is a safety tool. If someone will not respect your memory or your senses, the conversation is no longer a healthy exchange. You are protecting your own mind by leaving.
Most people are taught to clear up misunderstandings. Gaslighters use this against you. They want you to explain so they can pick your reasons apart. Choosing not to explain is how you keep your power.
When someone tries to invalidate your experience, your body often locks up. To clear your head and get back in control of your choices, you need a reset.
Download the Free 3-Minute Clearing Guide