Educational purposes only. This column provides advice on personal safety habits and is not a substitute for professional security or legal services.
Ask Sensei: “Why am I so tired all the time?”
Field Dispatch: July 18, 2026
Sensei,
I feel like I am always on. I spend my whole day watching the people around me to make sure they are happy. I check their faces for signs of anger or sadness so I can fix it before it becomes a problem.
Even when I am alone, I am thinking about what I said or did and if it upset someone. I try so hard to be helpful and kind, but I am completely drained. I have no energy left for myself. Why is being a good person so exhausting?
— Drained in the City
The Cost of High Vigilance
Dear Drained,
You are tired because you are keeping your body in a state of high alert. When you watch everyone around you for signs of trouble, your brain tells your heart and muscles to stay ready for a crisis. This uses a massive amount of energy. You are living as if you are in constant danger, even when you are just at work or with friends.
You are using people-pleasing as a way to control your environment. You think that if everyone else is happy, you will finally be safe enough to relax. But you cannot control how other people feel. When you try to manage their emotions, you are taking on a responsibility that is impossible to finish. This is why you never feel rested.
The Sovereignty Files
Understand how to lower your alert level and find real rest: How to Reclaim Your Power and Stop Feeling Drained
To get your energy back, you must practice letting go of the responsibility for other people’s moods. You are an adult, and they are adults. They are responsible for their own feelings. When you feel the urge to check if someone is upset, stop and check on yourself instead. Notice if your shoulders are tight or if your breath is shallow. Focus on calming your own body.
You do not need to be useful to others to have the right to exist. Peace happens when you stop looking for problems that are not there. When you stop watching everyone else, you can finally use that energy to take care of yourself. You will find that you have much more strength when you are not trying to fix everyone else’s feelings.