Educational purposes only. This column provides advice on personal sovereignty and mindset and is not a substitute for professional mental health services.
Ask Sensei: “How do I stop caring what people think of me?”
Field Dispatch: April 2, 2026
Sensei Duncan,
I find myself constantly worrying about what other people think of me. Whether I am at work, with my family, or even just at the store, I feel like everyone is judging me. Because of this, I often change how I speak or act just to make sure people like me.
By the end of the day, I feel exhausted and like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I want to be my own person, but the fear of being judged keeps me stuck. How do I stop caring so much about the opinions of others?
— Seeking Focus
Building Your Internal Structure
Dear Seeking Focus,
What you are feeling is a very common struggle. Most people want to be liked and accepted. It is a natural human trait to look for safety by following the group. However, when you let the opinions of others run your life, you give up your sovereignty. You are essentially letting strangers or friends make your choices for you while you just follow along.
To stop caring what people think, you must build a strong internal structure. You need to know exactly who you are so that when someone else has an opinion, it does not change your view of yourself. This is a skill you can practice every day.
Excerpt from: How to Stop Living for Others: 5 Simple Steps
Most people build their self-worth on the feedback they get from others. This makes their happiness unstable. To find stability, you must create a set of internal standards that allow you to evaluate your own actions without needing outside approval. Read the full guide here.
1. Accept that you cannot control thoughts
You must realize that you have zero control over what happens inside someone else’s head. People judge others based on their own past, their own bad moods, or their own insecurities. When someone thinks something about you, it usually says more about their life than it does about yours. Since you cannot change their thoughts, it is a waste of your energy to try.
2. Define your own standards
The reason you care so much about what others think is because you haven’t decided what you think yet. You need to write out what kind of person you want to be. What are your values? What do you believe is right? When you have your own list of rules for your life, you use that list to judge your progress. If you meet your own standards, the opinions of others become much less important.
3. Start with small truths
You have spent a long time hiding your true self to please people. You can’t change this overnight. Start by being honest in small ways. If someone asks where you want to eat, and you have a preference, say it. If someone asks for your opinion on a movie, give your honest thought even if they disagree. Each time you speak your truth without a negative result, your confidence will grow.
4. Understand the cost of “Being Liked”
When you change yourself to fit in, you are paying a very high price. You are trading your peace and your time for a version of “liking” that isn’t even real. People who like the “fake” version of you don’t actually know you. It is better to be disliked for who you truly are than to be loved for someone you are pretending to be.
Sovereignty is the ability to govern yourself. It means you are the only person who gets to decide if you are doing a good job. It will feel uncomfortable at first to ignore the whispers of others, but that discomfort is the price of your freedom. Stay focused on your own path.