Educational purposes only. This column provides advice on personal safety habits and is not a substitute for professional security or legal services.
Ask Sensei: “Why do I have to fight for respect?”
Field Dispatch: April 12, 2026
Sensei,
I am beyond frustrated. I have lived my life my way for years. I am non-binary, bisexual, and I am in a relationship with two partners who mean the world to me. We aren’t hurting anyone.
But my family won’t leave it alone. They use their religion like a weapon against me. They talk trash about my partners and try to shove their beliefs down my throat. It makes me livid. I’m a grown woman, but it feels like I’m constantly in a fight with them just to exist. How do I get them to see they are crossing the line without losing my mind?
— Livid in the Mud
The Power of Not Being There
Dear Livid,
You are exhausted because you are trying to win a fight that has no end. When you defend your life, your partners, or your choices to people who have already decided to judge you, you are handing them your peace of mind. You want to be left alone, but your anger is the cord that keeps you tied to them.
As long as you are “livid,” they are winning. They want a reaction, and you are giving it to them. You are standing in the middle of the tracks, trying to stop a train with your bare hands. Of course it feels like a fight—you are choosing to be a target.
The Sovereignty Files
Learn how to stop being a target for other people’s drama: The Other Way to Peace
To change the result, you must choose “The Other Way.” This starts with a physical and mental reset. When the “trash talk” begins, do not explain. Do not shout. Do not try to make them understand. An adult does not need to prove they are an adult. By staying silent and calm, you remove the target. If you aren’t there to be hit, their words just fall to the floor.
The moment you stop trying to get their respect is the moment you actually become free. You don’t need them to “see” the line; you just need to be the one who decides where it is and then walk away from anyone who crosses it. Peace is not something you win in a fight; it is something you keep by refusing to join one.