Educational purposes only. This column provides advice on mindset and is not a substitute for professional medical services.
Sensei Duncan,
I have made a huge mistake. I accidentally sent an email meant for my wife to my boss. It was way too personal—not work-appropriate at all. I realized it the second I hit send, and now I am having a total meltdown. I am mortified, I am shaking, and I have convinced myself I will be fired the moment I walk in tomorrow. How do I stop this loop before I completely lose it?
— Mortified in Montana
Focus on the Evidence
Dear Mortified in Montana,
I can feel how much pressure you are under right now; even through my screen. Your body is clearly at its limit. When you are shaking like that, it often means you have not slept, and that exhaustion makes every thought feel like a genuine emergency. This is a painful situation, but the disaster you are imagining is not actually happening yet. You are stuck in a loop that makes a difficult mistake feel like an impossible crisis.
You have taken one error and turned it into a story where you lose everything. Your brain is trying to prepare you for a threat, but it is just wasting your energy. If you are not looking at a termination notice right now, you are still safe.
Who knows? Your boss may have a sense of humor or may have made a similar mistake themselves in the past. Until you have that pink slip in your hands, getting more evidence before panicking is your best option. We need to look at the facts so you can handle tomorrow with your composure intact.
Excerpt from: Stopping the Spiral
A spiral requires a chain of unverified thoughts to survive. Break the chain by removing the links. State the worst-case scenario out loud and list three pieces of objective, verifiable evidence that prove it is happening right now. Read the full guide here.
Take a small step to regain control using the Rule of One:
Check the status of that email once. If it is sent, it is sent. Record that as a fact, then label any thoughts about your boss’s reaction as noise until it actually happens. Once you have the data, move your body.
Go do a manual task like washing the dishes or walking to a different room. Moving your hands shows your brain that you are acting on the world, not the other way around. You can handle a difficult conversation tomorrow, but you do not have to live through a thousand imaginary versions of it tonight.